Guilt

I often hear people saying “you make me feel guilty” or “you can’t do that, you’ll make people feel guilty” and I wonder. Sometimes I feel guilty, I certainly feel guilty that over the past year I have eaten way too much junk food and am now paying the price as my summer clothes don’t fit and I am not looking forward to going to the pool. I am right to feel guilty, I knew full well that I was eating badly, and I was pretty sure what the result would be, so I was knowingly doing the wrong thing. Yes I should definitely feel guilty when I have done the wrong thing. And guess what, when I see slim people walking down the street, and then catch a glimpse of myself in the window, I do feel guilty, but I don’t blame them, they have done nothing to make me guilty, I have done it all.

Guilt, like most emotions come from within, that is why I can see a picture and feel one emotion, while you might feel another. The picture is the trigger, but it isn’t the cause of the emotion. Guilt arises from the fact that we are unhappy with our decisions, so if you made the best decision you could at the time, even if it later turns out to be the wrong decision, that is no reason to feel guilt … regret, yes, but guilt, no. I have made quite a few decisions that I regret, however, I know I made the best decisions I could at the time. With the knowledge I have now, I would have done things differently, don’t you just love 20:20 hindsight, but at the time, I did the best I could, certainly no need for guilt. So many people fail at things they want to do, because they don’t get the support and information they need to succeed. These people should feel regret that they didn’t achieve whatever it was, but never guilt. Maybe others should feel guilty for letting them down, for not helping them to do what they wanted or needed to do. So next time you feel guilt, take a second look, did you do the best you could, did you try your hardest and use all the information available, if you did, then maybe you should be feeling regret, or even anger, that the information you needed wasn’t there.

One example in the media at the moment is breastfeeding. 90% of Australian mothers initiate breastfeeding, so that means that 90% of Australian mothers want to breastfeed their babies. That is terrific. The sad thing is that due to lack of support and readily available information half of these mums will not be breastfeeding their baby by the time bub is 6 months old. Sadly, many of these mums feel guilt, because they know that their baby should be breastfed, but isn’t. These mums should not feel guilt, they have tried their hardest, but the support just wasn’t there. Many health professionals don’t know enough about breastfeeding to really support these mums, many parenting books recommend behaviours that will sabotage the breastfeeding relationship. There are so many elements in our society that make breastfeeding hard, it is a wonder that 50% of babies get any breast milk at all at 6 months. So mothers should not feel guilty, they should feel regret that they have not succeeded at something they wanted, but they also need to be aware that the reason it was so hard is that the support is not there. They are told how important it is to breastfeed, but they are not given the information and support necessary. Who do you think should feel guilty, certainly not the mums.